The ’30s’ Club

Well, I officially I joined the 30s club in October 2020 and it’s a different kind of club. Not because I feel different but because other people try to make you feel different about being 30 years old. Personally, I think it’s a cool club. I guess all clubs are cool in their own way. The 20s club was all about fun, misunderstandings, not having boundaries, putting up with people’s trauma and negativity, trying too hard, feeling lost, and failing to recognise myself in the mirror. But those things started to change towards the end of my 20s and these changes will hopefully continue for a lifetime. 

People always make being 30 years old a big deal. Like, you’re supposed to have your life all figured out by now and heaven forbid if you haven’t. Apparently, I’m supposed to have a husband and children by now because my biological clock is ticking and men around my age will start seeing me as old. Well, I have neither; not a husband nor children, which according to many, is just unfathomable. In fact, I had a friend recently imply that I should go back to an ex and give him a chance. He couldn’t appreciate me when we were together but because she is losing hope that I will find ‘the one’, she thinks I should give it a shot. I mean, people often find the one in their 20s, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to work unless you work on yourself and build a relationship together. Relationships take a lot more work than people think. It was disappointing that my friend didn’t have faith I would find the love I’m seeking and so worthy of, and implied that I should settle for less. According to her, she has her life together you see, because she has a husband and two children. But we both see life very differently; we always have with all due respect, but more on friendships later!

So, back to the 30s club. Who said that you’re supposed to have it all figured out by 30? Who said you must have kids by this age? Let’s be honest, not everyone who is a parent should be one. For me, the 30s club is a different kind of mature. I can set boundaries and keep myself to myself, not have to worry about what people will think and without ever feeling like I am wasting my time and energy on things and people that I don’t want to. I did a lot of people pleasing earlier on in my life. It’s what happens when you don’t know yourself unfortunately. I know myself rather well now. I love my own company and I genuinely just don’t have the time to be dealing with trivial issues that do not serve a purpose in my life. Honestly, I have no interest in what ‘she’ got up to over the weekend. I have never been more content with who I am as a person and who I am continuously growing to be. The journey of self-love is never ending and one hell of a mind game.

So, why is it that we as women are made to feel like we are not enough when we get to a certain age? Why is it, that the only question you get asked is when you will get married? See, I feel that I am the best version of myself that I have ever been and I am working on becoming an even better version of myself now. I am sick and tired of being made to feel like there is something wrong with me because I don’t fit into the norm of having met someone and not planning a wedding. Weddings are overrated anyway! I admire people who are married and have children. I feel that that job role is harder than being a career focused woman because you have this beautiful little creature that depends on you for absolutely everything, but it also depends on you to lay the foundation right for mental health and emotional intelligence, and a whole bunch of other things. I imagine parenting to be hard. But the truth is, that’s exactly the role I don’t want to have. I haven’t lived enough of my own life yet. There’s so much I want to do and accomplish without the added pressure of bringing a child up right or looking after someone else’s child if he is not mature enough. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of love. I believe in unconditional love. But I don’t want to marry the wrong one or just settle. So, for now, the conquest continues of finding someone who is worthy of me. That doesn’t mean I have it all together when it comes to relationships. Remember I said tangled mess? Well, that is my love life and always has been. 

Until next time. 


The Unveiled Reflector x 

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